June has been flying by and rushing me into transitions. I started this posting in early June and it was supposed to be about something else... seems to be how life works (for me, perhaps for others too) - I start somewhere - with a plan, destination even, and I end up somewhere else, and it's often right where I need to be. That's how this poem began - I had an idea, a place where I wanted to go, but the poem had a different agenda :) I've been wanting to share it on conscious vibration for a while. It has gone through a number of transformations; and thanks to excellent feedback from writer-friends, I am happy with what it has become. This was a very difficult poem for me to write. I laboured over it for many hours and many days. It haunted me to be complete, and yet I still feel there is more to say. I've also shared this piece at two readings, and a few people wanted me to post it on my blog. So here it is! I would love your comments.
Hibiscus Opening at Day Break
by Angelique V. Nixon
I woke up today
breathing in her golden red light
for the first time, pulling myself
through memories that break skin
they melt like glass this time
sun showers across my collar bones
they unravel me, no longer
I remember & exhale hard stories
hands and mouths, not suppose to touch or lick me
slow movements, nine year-old thighs, not suppose to enjoy
feel stirring below my belly, each time
tight eyes spill shame, not suppose to tell
I mimic my button on pillows at midnight, to forget
pray forgiveness, our father in heaven, my test?
waking with purpose, I know better now
my broken limbs of dusted pollen
cleansed with rain over petals
telling stories, hard to pass on.
I spoke up today
tethered by Oshun’s tongue
for the first time, patching up
pot holes inside me with warm words
her waters rise up, bursting with leaves
they know me, each pore, each curve
they dance calypso & chant against fear
they carry me to moon’s full embrace
she holds my belly, healing me with honey
her rivers bring vision, eye lids flutter orange
Oshun baths me in her sweet water, letting blood go
my stories seep into oceans of stories, hard to pass on.
They pass through my lips
speaking tongues of revolution
Oshun teaches me to love pleasure
for the first time, trusting female desire
beauty in touch & night’s end
waking to her dark red flame.